Dad

those days

when who would sleep on which side

who would watch the tv first

which channel 

only mattered

laughter that filled the room

smile when you came back home

anticipation of the daily chocolates or foods

those small gestures were enough

to make me happy and content

i needed nothing more

nothing more than your company

because all that mattered to me was

you

neither had you known

nor me

that the time would come

when no words would be exchanged

no gestures would be shared

the time when the room will be filled with

silence, words that never escaped the mouth

days turned into months

and months turned into years

many words that were left unspoken

neither one of us know

what the other feels and wants

and each passing day i wonder

if what i felt was true

that the way you were wasn't something i imagined

that we were so close 

once upon a time

everyday i desperately seek for that one chance

to ask you

if it was my fault?

that we grew apart

that i have to fear talking to you

that i couldn't keep you

i know

as years went by

i am no longer the person i used to be

and i come to think that maybe

maybe if i didn't behave the way i did

things would be different now

i wouldn't have to kill myself everyday

thinking i would disappoint you

that you would no longer want to see me

i fear

i fear if it becomes true

i wouldn't be able to handle it

i won't be able to see  myself in the mirror

the same way ever again

i would blame myself 

everyday

all that i want 

is to have my dad back again

is that too much to ask?

is that too much to ask

for the happiness we felt

for the memories we shared

for the times we exchanged thoughts

to be back again

Dad?